DeAnn Welker writes: "Well, I just made it fun." -- Renee
Truer words were never spoken, folks. It took five episodes, but Vanessa Williams finally became the star of the show, when she divorced her husband, and took his millions with her, then had a heart to heart with Gaby. "I feel like you get me, Gaby ... because we're both extremely beautiful," she told her, then dubbed them "Gabs" and "Nee." She got Gaby to admit she'd had a nose job (gasp!) and told Gaby she slept with her ex's divorcer lawyer to get the $8 million settlement. They both promised to keep it under wraps, but soon enough, her ex came crawling back and, when Gaby got upset that she'd take him back, she ratted out Gaby's nose job to her friends. The rest of the episode was filled with corny nose jokes at Gaby's expense, and she was heartbroken because she'd always been the natural beauty, but now she'll just be the plastic one.
So, several drinks in at a cabaret for a neighbor we'd never seen before (played by singer Dana Glover), Gaby told Doug -- back with Renee -- that his wife had slept with his lawyer. And then the fight was on. Lee tried to break it up, but was no match for Gabs and Nee. It ended with Gaby taking a sapphire-makeup-ring punch to the fake nose. When Doug still wanted to be together after all of that, Renee wised up and listened to her good friend, Gaby. Then they made up with hugs and mutual beauty all around.
In other storylines: Bree and Keith had WAY too much sex for an old lady like her, until she finally told him enough's enough and he admitted he was trying to distract her with sex so she wouldn't realize how dumb he is. Awww. And when Lynette had trouble with her nanny search, Tom called his mom to come and do the job. But, her lack of feminism didn't mesh well with Lynette's ideals so Lynette humiliated her about her cheating husband. But, in the end, she stuck around and they made up -- then she appeared to either develop Alzheimer's or hate Penny; it was hard to tell which.
In the less fun and more creepy storyline: Susan couldn't take the perverts on the Internet, so she cut one off and Maxine fired her. Mike noticed the missing money, though, and when Maxine came calling her back with a desperate client, Susan took her up on it. The client, though, was Paul Young, who blackmailed Susan that he'd tell Mike and M.J. about her little extracurricular income if she doesn't sell him her house. He gave her a few days to think about it, but it's clear to Susan (and the rest of us) that Paul's up to no good on Wisteria.
DeAnn Welker is a writer and editor in Portland, Ore.